Sunday Morning Blog

February 02, 2006

Guts Should Not be a Prerequisite for Blogging (although sometimes they might help)

I am prepared for the fact that this blog may make me sound like a "girly man," but I am okay with that. I am not a tough guy, and I have never claimed to be. A commentator on Cape Cod Today made a comment to my farewell post there today that will stick with me, and made this all so clear:

"Don't blog; you don't have the hide for it."

I don't have the hide for it? Why should blogging require a thick skin? This simple comment made it so clear to me how confused some people (even bloggers themselves) are about blogging.

Blogging is just another form of communication for me. It began as an offshoot of my Cape Cod Cyclists' Escape website that I had already been messing with for a couple of years. My first blog post was made in May of 2003, on Memorial Day. I began with "Life by the Drop," which soon turned into "Sunday Morning Blog" after I discovered someone was already using the previous title. My first couple of posts were about my failed vacation, irritation at baseball announcers' abuse of the word "scuffling" when they were describing "struggling" teams and players, and this post which I made in my first week of blogging (May 27, 2003):

The Cape Wind Farm opponents are at it again. Today, the local rag (Cape Cod Times) took the Audubon Society's position statement on the proposed Nantucket Sound wind farm and twisted it to suit their own agenda. See "Birds vs. Windmills," 27 May 2003. "The Audubon Society supports the ""responsible planning and development"" of offshore renewable energy resources." Yet, the Cape Cod Times manages to twist this position into the Audubon Society being against the Cape Wind project.

In the wake of the recent spill of over 100,000 gallons of oil here in Buzzards Bay, I do not see how any sane person can deny the importance of finding alternative energy resources. Although it is true that the Cape Wind project would not eliminate the Mirant corporation's Canal Electric power plant (to which the spilled oil was being shipped), it is one step in the direction of reducing our reliance on these dirty, fossil-fuel burning energy sources.

By 2020, wind could provide up to six percent of the United States' energy needs according to the American Wind Energy Association. That is nothing to sneer at.

For more on the Audubon Society and alternative energy sources see: Beyond Oil

Obviously, like any human being, I have opinions. It is apparent to me, now that I am questioning what this blogging thing is all about nearly three years later, that very early on, blogging was about expressing my views on things. Please note a couple of my chosen phrases from this early post: "the local rag" (to describe the Cape Cod Times), and "sane person" (might be interpreted to mean that people who don't agree are insane?). There is no denying that I have opinions that might be contentious. My approach to these subjects has not always been neutral or politically correct. However, I am expressing myself and my opinions and I not trying to harm anyone by them. I have blogged with only the most innocent of intentions, and until now the results have always mirrored this fact.

Some of the best things in my life have resulted from blogging. If it wasn't for my blog, I would have never been introduced to Cookie's blog. If I had never met Cookie, I would have never been introduced to Jesse's blog. If I had never met Jesse... well, let's not think about that. Jesse and I are due to be married this coming April as the result of the amazing coming together of two bloggers. Blogging has done me enough good that I will never deny its benefit. That there have been negatives is my own fault.

It was "my bad" (I despise that phrase) that I started to post my thoughts to a blog on Cape Cod Today without doing so anonymously. Not only that, but my first experience with Cape Cod Today should have been enough to keep me away. After making a post that attracted some great comment section interactions with Rep. Matt Patrick of Falmouth, the post was snubbed in the headline section of what was then the primary link to people's blogs. Instead of packing it in for good after feeling the sting of politics in the media, I returned for more. Having a letter to the editor ignored is one thing, but I was going to put my thoughts out there in a way that could not be ignored. Again: "my bad."

If you put your thoughts out there, and you have strong opinions, you are going to ruffle some feathers. Especially if you learn the number one community blogging lesson too late: if you don't have anything positive to comment about on someone else's blog, keep it to yourself-- or post an opposing view in your own space. Maybe I learned this lesson too late, or maybe I am just blaming myself for something I shouldn't be. Regardless, by the time I was questioning where the venom was coming from in some of the comments to my blog posts, the damage had already been done. Not that many of these people require fuel for their fires. There are obviously nutjobs out there with some serious issues. Still, with friends like bloggers in a public blog forum, who needs enemies? Talk about dysfunctional- Cape Cod Today wrote the book, and I was going along for the ride. Until...

The other day, I posted an article that included an illustration of one of the most disgusting pieces of legislation that I have ever heard. I expressed my displeasure with legislation proposed by a Georgia Congresswoman (my first mistake: she is a woman, my second mistake: she is black) that would place a permanent memorial of all records relating to the life and death of Tupac Shakur (womanizing, drug dealing, convicted felon, gangster rap-artist) in the National Archives and create an additional repository at The Tupac Amaru Shakur Center for the Arts in Stone Mountain Georgia. What seemed an obvious waste of our money to me, was an example of my racism to a fellow blogger on Cape Cod Today. The comment section for this post quickly spiraled away from the issues of my post into a debate about the realities of my being a racist. My tactic was not to defend myself-- racism is not an issue I have to defend myself against, however the attacks continued (as my upset escalated). Despite warnings that bloggers should be playing nice, this was the second of such unprovoked attacks against me in as many days. The first came after I commented to another post with one sentence stating that I felt Judge Alito was representative of mainstream America. I was immediately accused of being sexist and that I would prefer all woman be behind their "invisible burqas." Blogging on Cape Cod Today was losing its enjoyment. I blog as a creative outlet and for intelligent debate- not for personal attacks.

This brings me to tonight. I am blogging. It may not be in a public forum, but I have control of the content, and all comments pass through me. It feels better, but there is also a sense of loss. In a public forum, your space is not really your own, and freedom of speech requires you to allow comments that you would not necessarily endorse or approve of:

Open blog comments, freedom of speech: someone comments, calling you a racist. The comments remain hanging out there for all to see. Someone whose life work you admire calling you a racist makes it even more difficult to swallow, and makes the pain even deeper. It might be different if I just didn't give a shit about racism, but my second edition copy of The Apartheid Handbook has not remained part of my collection so many years because it is valuable or looks nice. I didn't tell people on Cape Cod Today this. Why would you defend yourself against something that is so far off base? Instead I pulled the plug on my blog, started deleting posts, and closed my comments. It just wasn't fun anymore.

Blogging is about expressing myself. I appreciated the public audience, but not at the expense of my reputation or my family's good name. None of my comments or posts have ever or could ever bring any shame to my family or I. But enduring being called a sexist or a racist in a popular public forum, by someone whose life's work you admire is/was too much to endure. It wasn't just one person on the Drew bashing crusade. I just gave them what they had been clamoring for since I first started blogging there: I quit.

Blogging isn't about being strong. Blogging should be about expressing yourself freely, and being comfortable and happy doing so. I am not one to toot my own horn. I will not defend myself against accusations that could not be further from the truth. I would rather just leave. Go ahead and call it "tucking my tail between my legs." I call it sanity. I try to live my life to the best of my ability every day. Today that meant removing myself from a horrible situation. That others whom I also respected tried to interfere with that, and forced another day of comments on what I thought was MY Cape Cod Today blog, only made it hurt all the more that I was being denied this outlet that I enjoyed so much. There is nothing to keep me from enjoying it still. It is just different-- like being sent to your room without cause. I am sure it will grow on me not having the attack dogs barking at my heels. I just realized that my jaw hurts from clenching it all day. No, I'm not upset, not at all...

Posted by capecodcyclist at February 2, 2006 10:38 PM